Funny Golf One Liners

Huge list of some great quotes from your favorite people, movies, and shows.


Here are some great quotes for you to enjoy.

List of quotes to use from shows and movies

I love coming up with cheesy quotes from shows and movies to put in cards and emails. Life goes so quick but it is still a good idea to put together a nice quotes list. Here are some Funny Golf One Liners items I have now:

  • If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, it means he probably shot an eight.
  • You know you're a hack when your divot flies farther than your ball!
  • I'm not a bad putter, I just can't catch a break.
  • How many golfers does it take to change a light bulb? FORE!
  • The man who takes up golf to get his mind off his work soon takes up work to get his mind off golf.
  • The only thing that causes more cheating than golf is the income tax!
  • If you golf on election day, be sure to cast an absent-tee ballot.
  • Golf is an easy game… it's just hard to play.
  • There are three ways to lower your golf score: take lessons, practice constantly — or start cheating.
  • My doctor told me to play 36 holes a day, so I went out and bought a harmonica.
  • Golfer: Do you think my game is improving? Caddie: Absolutely! You miss the ball much closer than you used to.
  • The only reason I play golf is to bug my wife. She thinks I'm having fun.
  • Why do golfers carry an extra pair of pants? In case they get a hole in one.
  • Wife: I'm sick and tired of your obsession with golf! Husband: Why, is it driving a wedge between us?
  • You know it's too wet to play golf when your cart capsizes.
  • I enjoy shooting in the 120's. I figure I'm getting more for my money.
  • Real golfers don't cry when they line up their fourth putt.
  • Caddie: Try heaven. You've already moved most of the earth.
  • Real golfers have two handicaps: one for braggin' and one for betting'
  • Golfer: This is the worst golf course I've ever played on! Caddie: This isn't the golf course, sir, we left that an hour ago.
  • My golf game is so bad I had to have my ball retriever regripped.
  • Q: You spend too much time thinking about golf! Do you even remember the day we got married? A: Of course I do! It was the same day I sank that 45-foot putt.
  • His golf is improving. He’s missing the ball much closer than he used to!
  • Oxymoron: An easy par three.
  • That was a really good shot ..........................for you !!!
  • Golf is like life.. you strive for the green, but end up in the hole.
  • My stockbroker’s a golf nut. One day he called up and he said, “Guess what? I just broke 80! I said, “I know. I’m one of them.”
  • Forget about all those “how to” books, videos and articles. The only sure way to save strokes is with an eraser!
  • Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles.
  • Golfer: The doctor says I can't play golf. Caddie: Oh, he's played with with you, too, eh?
  • Why do golfers hate cake? Because they might get a slice.
  • Q: When is the course too wet to play golf? A: When your golf cart capsizes.
  • Fairway: [faer-wai]: An unfamiliar tract of closely mown grass running directly from tee to the green. Your ball can usually be found immediately to the left or right of it.”
  • Golf never made it as an Olympic sport. It is more properly a Special Olympic sport because everyone who enters has a handicap.
  • It takes a lot of balls to golf like I do.
  • How is golf like fishing? Both mysteriously encourage exaggeration.
  • Q: What's the problem with my golf game? A: You're standing too close to the ball ... after you hit it.
  • Golf is a game, invented by God to punish guys who retire early.
  • Brand new golf balls are attracted to water, and the power of the attraction is in direct proportion to how much the balls cost.
  • Golf is what you play when you're too out of shape to play softball.
  • The only problem with golf is that the slow groups are always in front of you and the fast groups are always behind you.
  • Why type of golf game did the fur traders play in the old days? A skins match.
  • The higher a golfer's handicap, the more likely he is to try to tell you what you're doing wrong.
  • Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with disappointments.
  • In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it is called golf.
  • A good golf partner is one who's always a little bit worse than you are.
  • Real golfers don't miss putts, they get robbed.
  • He claims it’s no sin to play golf on Sunday. But the way he plays, it’s a crime.
  • Q: I'm ready to go for this par-5 green in two, but there's still a group on the green. What should I do? A: Well, you have two options: you can go ahead and shank it right now, or wait for the green to clear and then top the ball half way there.
  • Golfer: Please stop checking your watch all the time, it's distracting! Caddie: This isn't a watch, ma'am, it's a compass.
  • Golf balls are like eggs. They're white, they are sold by the dozen, and a week later you have to buy more.
  • It’s easy to tell a real dedicated doctor. He can never understand how a hooker can be happy.
  • Our minister was the best golfer in town. Look at all the practice he’s had in keeping his head down.
  • Then there’s the Scotsman who gave up golf after 20 years. He lost his ball.
  • Golf is a lot like taxes: You go for the green and wind up in the hole.
  • Golfer: That can't be my ball, it looks too old. Caddie: It's been a long time since we started.
  • Golf was once a rich man's sport, but now it has millions of poor players!
  • The difference between a whiff and a practice swing is that nobody curses after a practice swing.
  • Golfer: I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.
  • I don’t want to excuse him of cheating, but once he had a hole-in-one and scored it as a zero.
  • Golf is a game where the ball lies poorly, and the players well.
  • “My game is so bad I had to have my ball retriever regripped!”
  • Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind.
  • Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize or laugh.
  • Q: How do you like my game? A: Oh, it's a great game, but personally I prefer golf.



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