Here are some great quotes for you to enjoy.

List of quotes to use from shows and movies

I love coming up with cheesy quotes from shows and movies to put in cards and emails. Life goes so quick but it is still a good idea to put together a nice quotes list. Here are some One Liner Comebacks quotes items I have now:

• I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
• I’d slap you but I don’t want to make your face look any better.
• You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid anyway.
• I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
• Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I am interested.
• I may love to shop but I’m not buying your bull.
• I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
  
• Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all stupid people.
• You grew up near power lines, didn't you?
• It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
• Holy crap! Just how premature were you?
• Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
• You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
• Jesus loves you… but everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.
• I’m sorry, was I meant to be offended? The only thing offending me is your face.
• Did you eat paint chips as a child? Are you still living your childhood?
• I’m sorry I didn’t get that – I don’t speak idiot.
• Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?!"
• Doctor Livingshit, I presume?
• It looks like your face caught fire and someone tried to put it out with a hammer.
• I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
• You are proof that evolution can go in reverse.
• Your face looks like a dog's fart that's been freeze-framed.
• You look like the poster child for a suicide hotline.
• I’ve seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission.
• Your lips keep moving but all I hear is “Blah, blah, blah.”
• No, my powers can only be used for good.
• Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
• Scientists say the universe is made up of neutrons, protons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons.
• You're so screwed up, even your afterbirth had defects.
• On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
• What’s the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus? One has a moustache and smells of fish and the other is a walrus.
• Why is it acceptable for you to be an idiot but not for me to point it out?
• Don’t you get tired of putting make up on two faces every morning?
  
• I’ve been called worse by better.
• Gay? I’m straighter than the pole your mom dances on.
• You were born in a dirty test tube, weren't you?
• Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
• If I wanted a bitch, I’d have bought a dog.
• Brains aren’t everything. In your case they’re nothing.
• You remind me of . . . you know what? I don't think I've ever come across anything as bizarre as you before.
• What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
• When God was giving out whoopings with his ugly stick, you got a few extra licks.
• Were you born this stupid or did you take lessons?
• I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
• The zoo called. They’re wondering how you got out of your cage?
• I was hoping for a battle of wits but you appear to be unarmed.
• Your family tree must be a cactus because everyone on it is a prick.
• I thought of you today. It reminded me to take the garbage out.
• Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
• It’s better to let someone think you’re stupid than open your mouth and prove it.
• It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
• My reality check bounced.
• I just stepped in something that was smarter than you… and smelled better too.
• If I had a face like yours I’d sue my parents.
• I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
• Did you know they used to be called “Jumpolines” until your mum jumped on one?
• I love what you’ve done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that?
• You are so dumb that you had to call 411 to get the number for 911.
• Hey, you have something on your chin… no, the 3rd one down.
• If you’re going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.
  
• I don’t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.
• You are so stupid that you took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jiff.
• Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
• How about never? Is never good for you?
• If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
• You are the reason contraceptives exist.
• No, those pants don’t make you look fatter – how could they?
• My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!
• You look like my right testicle after cold water shrinkage.
• You’re such a beautiful, intelligent, wonderful person. Oh I’m sorry, I thought we were having a lying competition.
• You are what comes out when a brother and sister have a baby together.
• You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck when thinking.
• Just because you have one doesn’t mean you need to act like one.
• You're just lucky the toilet wouldn't flush when you were born.
• Someday you’ll go far… and I hope you stay there.
• You are like a genetics experiment gone horribly wrong.
• Save your breath – you’ll need it to blow up your date.
• I think your mother may have skipped the third trimester.
• At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
• I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
• I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
• You’ll never be the man your mother is.
• Shut up before I call the Men in Black on you, you feckin' alien.
  
• You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication.
• I'm already visualizing the masking tape over your mouth.
• I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
• Hey, your village called – they want their idiot back.
• Stupidity’s not a crime, so you’re free to go.
• I’d give you a nasty look but you’ve already got one.
• I’d like to see things from your point of view, but I can’t seem to get my head that far up your ass.
• I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
• You’re so fat you could sell shade.
• The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
• Your doctor called with your colonoscopy results. Good news – they found your head.
• Aww, it’s so cute when you try to talk about things you don’t understand.
• Who me? I just wander from room to room.
• The only way you’ll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken’s ass and wait.
• I don't believe you have a top floor for your elevator to go to.
• If you really want to know about mistakes, you should ask your parents.
• Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? Ask your mother.
• Quick – check your face! I just found your nose in my business.
• I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
• Your face too closely resembles the surface of the Moon.
  
• When you were born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to your dad, “I’m very sorry. We did everything we could. But he pulled through.”
• Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
• Did you use Botox to paralyze your ugliness?
• All you need is a helmet and a mouth guard to be a prime candidate for the short yellow bus.
• You’re so ugly when you look in the mirror, your reflection looks away.

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