One Liner Lawyer Jokes
Huge list of some great quotes from your favorite people, movies, and shows.
Here are some great one-liners for you to enjoy.
List of quotes to use from shows, movies, etc.
I love coming up with cheesy quotes from shows and movies to put in cards and emails. Life goes so quick but it is still a good idea to put together a nice quotes list. Here are some One Liner Lawyer Jokes items I have now:
- What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start!
- What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull? Lipstick
- What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer? One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
- What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand? Not enough sand.
- What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer? A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. A good lawyer can make it last even longer.
- What do lawyers and sperm have in common? One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
- What do you call 5000 dead criminal defense lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start!
- What's black and brown and looks good on an attorney? A doberman pinscher.
- What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer? A tick falls off of you when you die.
- How are an apple and a lawyer alike? They both look good hanging from a tree.
- What's the difference between God and a lawyer? God does not think he is a lawyer!
- How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? Three. One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
- What is the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull? Lipstick
- Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients? To prevent clients from being billed twice for what is essentially the same service.
- Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps? They had pictures of lawyers on them ...and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
- What's the difference between a porcupine and a Mercedes Benz full of lawyers? The porcupine has pricks on the outside.
- If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do? Shoot the lawyer twice.
- How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving.
- What's the problem with lawyer jokes? Lawyer's don't think they're funny, and no one else thinks they're jokes.
- How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung? You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck!
- What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? The lawyer charges more.
- Lawyer's creed: A man is innocent until proven broke.
- What do lawyers use for birth control? Their personalities.
- How do you get a group of personal injury lawyers to smile for a picture? Just say "Fees!"
- How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side and then on the other.
- Did you hear they just released a new Barbie doll called "Divorced Barbie"? Yeah, it comes with half of Ken's things and alimony.
- Where can you find a good lawyer? At the city morgue.
- How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, and then on the other.
- What's the difference between an attorney and a pit bull? Jewelry.
- What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? A Doberman.
- How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving
- What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech? After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
- What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion? You cry when you cut up an onion.
- Why won't sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.
- What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the middle of the road? There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
- What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand? Not enough sand.