One Liners Work

Huge list of some great quotes from your favorite people, movies, and shows.


Here are some great quotes for you to enjoy.

List of quotes to use from shows and movies

I love coming up with cheesy quotes from shows and movies to put in cards and emails. Life goes so quick but it is still a good idea to put together a nice quotes list. Here are some One Liners Work items I have now:

  • Anyone having supervisory responsibility for the completion of a task will invariably protest that more resources are needed.
  • My job is secure. No one else wants it.
  • Critic: One who boasts of being “hard to please” because nobody tries to please him.
  • I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted pay checks.
  • I think this generation will have to go into separate rooms and text each other to work out their problems.
  • All I’ve ever wanted was an honest week’s pay for an honest day’s work.
  • I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
  • What do you give a florist who is sick?
  • Most people are shocked when they find out how incompetent I am as an electrician.
  • The golden rule of work is that the bosses jokes are always funny.
  • I wish I had put ballet shoes on him and not boxing gloves.
  • I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me, she said yes - about me taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and doing the dishes.
  • Dance like it hurts… love like you need money… work when people are watching.
  • I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job, but when I got home, all the signs were there.
  • My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.
  • I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
  • I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
  • The Man Who Created Autocorrect Has Died. Resturant In Peace.
  • I have a few jokes about unemployed people but it doesn't matter none of them work.
  • There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices… in the back you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air.
  • 1. Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place.
  • “Pickup artists” and “garbagemen” should switch names.
  • The more a recruit knows about a given subject, the better chance he has of being assigned to something else.
  • A composer is a guy who goes around forcing his will on unsuspecting air molecules, often with the assistance of unsuspecting musicians.
  • Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.
  • If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
  • My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch, it might be me.
  • An economist is someone who, on being shown something that works in practice, wonders if it would work in theory.
  • If not controlled, work will flow to the competent man until he submerges.
  • 1. Any line, however short, is still too long.
  • A guy gave me a job at an information booth – no questions asked.
  • There is a new trend in our office; everyone is putting names on their food. I saw it today, while I was eating a sandwich named Kevin.
  • It’s the gossip columnist’s business to write about what is none of his business.
  • The first myth of management is that it exists.
  • A healthy sleep not only makes your life longer, but also shortens the workday.
  • Never call an accountant a credit to his profession a good accountant is a debit to his profession.
  • Cleaning mirrors is a job I could really see myself doing.
  • Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.
  • Putting an ex-fighter in the business world is like putting silk stockings on a pig.
  • Statistician: Someone who is good with numbers, but lacks the personality to be an accountant.
  • With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it's only a matter of time before we get a country song where a guy's truck leaves him too.
  • Clergyman: A man who undertakes the management of our spiritual affairs as a method of bettering his temporal ones.
  • Why kill time when you can make it work for you?
  • If the hours are long enough and the pay is short enough, someone will say it's women's work.
  • Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
  • Unemployment: The usual alternative to overwork.
  • When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
  • When I told my friends I was going to be a comedian, they laughed at me.
  • I’m too lazy to work and too scared to steal.
  • Acting is pretending, and the most difficult part is pretending you’re eating regularly.
  • The reward for a job well done is more work.
  • My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. I want to split up." "Good idea," I replied. "We can cover more ground that way."
  • Management: A class of semi-skilled corporate hirelings whose rise within the organization correlates directly with the amount of work they delegate to their more-talented underlings.
  • The ratio of time involved in work to time available for work is usually about 0.6.
  • A teacher is someone who talks in our sleep!
  • A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
  • Should not the Society of Indexers be known as Indexers Society of, The?
  • Professionals built the Titanic; amateurs built the ark.
  • I gave up my seat to a blind person in the bus. That is how I lost my job as a bus driver.
  • To the mathematicians who thought of the idea of zero, thanks for nothing!
  • My first job was being a diesel fitter at a pantyhose factory. As they came off the line, I would hold them up and say, "yeah, Deez-el fit her."
  • The one time during the day you lean back and relax is the one time the boss walks by.
  • It is easier to square the circle than to get round a mathematician.
  • Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
  • My doctor told me I needed to break a sweat once a day so I told him I'd start lying to my wife.
  • I quit my job at the helium gas factory; I refuse to be spoken to in that tone.
  • The two most important jobs in America are held by foreigners – room service and goal-kicking.
  • He worked like hell in the country so he could live in the city, where he worked like hell so he could live in the country.
  • I live in constant fear that my kid will become a famous artist or painter and I will have thrown out about a trillion dollars of her work.
  • Team work is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else.
  • People used to laugh at me when I would say "I want to be a comedian", well nobody's laughing now.
  • To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great Subway sandwiches.

One Liners from the One Liners Work

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